Bad Habits

Its 1:20am and I am sitting here can't sleep, not wanting to go to sleep. Feeling so many different emotions that I can't even put into words. I have been trying to figure out how I feel and certain things but then I go into denial about it all. Tonight I tried my best to put myself in another place, tried my best to be the Neeve I once was so recently, yet my heart is involved. My heart is telling me things my mind doesnt want to believe. I want to just be who I was, that fucked up heartless bitch, that ego driven sex phene bitch women wanted to kill in my sleep. yet today i stand here heart hurting, feeling a level of pain I am not used to. Wanting to rewind time not even just rewind tonight but rewind months and months make me who I am now..but then. I should have been the woman I am now then, I should have known better. I am alone right now...feeling all these emotions alone and thats ok, i don't have a problem with being alone I have a problem of wondering how she feels, wondering where her mind is, wondering what I did wrong. I am not the me I once was, I am the me now, the me I am supposed to be but who knew I would be this me alone. I am listening to Maxwell and damn...this song is nice kinda off subject but at the same time right on point. "Bad Habits" Anyway I felt like writing something, not much just something guess when ur up this late weird things come to mind.

touch me in ways you never did

touch me in ways you never wanted to

make me feel you world,

make me understand your pain

hurt me even when i say stop

bring me pain, make me bleed

i will scream you name and you wont say a word

be a criminal in your master mind plan

let me be your victim

seduce me with your words and rape me with your mind

i dont deserve no pleasure all i deserve is pain

hurt me.make me scream,,,make me cry

dont soothe me, dont hold me once your done

wrap your hands around my thoat while you fucking me

stop me from breathing

only allow me to breathe breaths you feel i should take

choke me until my eyes close

I belong to you tonight, I am yours

Do what you want to me do, i am forever in your debt

take whats yours, take your anger out on me

make me think that i am the one you want

when i am the one that you hate

make me believe you desire me, fool me into falling into your plan

touch me, fuck me and leave, dont look back

dont call, dont text, ignore me

i am nothing, i am worthless, i am useless

i deserved this pain i feel

my thoat still feels your grip

my pussy still throbs from the pain it has endured

i will form tears tonight as i cry

Yet I will smile knowing you finally got your revenge.