I gotta leave this damn state

Well I was on the phone with the kids father going over some stuff about my oldest son and I was really feeling all kinds of ways holding back tears and all. I happened to take a right to take a short cut home and I saw my ex, her daughter, and what I thought was her new girl. Now I am not going to sit here and say anything fucked up except to say wow...like they are a family now and my only weird feeling about it is because I came so far with her daughter like I was the highlight of her daughters life and now someone has taken my place. Its so weird how you can go on in life pretending nothing matter, pretending your not effected by anything or anyone but then something out of the norm happens and makes you take a step back and say to yourself "what the fuck am I doing?" I am feeling all kinds of fucked up because really she was mine for almost two years and I just walked out of her life like she didnt matter, like she didnt have feelings. This is when I know there is a problem when I have to wake the fuck up and realize there is more to life than neeve and her 4 kids, there are others out here who matter there are others who stand to lose when I fuck up and man oh man did I fuck up. Seeing my ex was weird I havent seen her in a month but I am not going to elaborate on that here my main thought is the lil one...wow......I need to pray on this one because only God can get us all through this but I trully found myself waking up in like 5 seconds. My heart dropped when it was confirmed that she was getting in the car (I wear glasses and dont see much not to add tears in my eyes while I was on the phone) but damn...Ok I have to let it go, pray, ask God for guidance and forgiveness and learn once and for all.....the things you do in this life dont only effect you they effect others around you and even those who are at a distance.

(although she will never read this) I miss you fluff....God will guide you through and I will make sure you remain in my prayers.