Ok so maybe not

Ok as some of you know (the ones who are following my blog) I have been going through a back and forth with the dealings of my father. I have battled with continuing a relationship with my father and I am at a completly different place in life now. My father was a horrible man growing up in my house there were times when my friends would keep asking if he was my step father because he was so horrible to me and my mother. I am not going to all into that but the thing about it is that he continues to treat me bad. Day after day I ask myself to just be strong and understand my father has a weird anger problem and I just need to take it because all in all I need to love him. I have only felt this way since my mother passed in 2002. When my mom was here I cut him completely out of my life and didnt think twice about it because he was horrible so why would I chose to deal with someone like him. My mother spent so much time trying to get me and him back together trying to mend the relationship that he continued to destroy. After her passing I tried my best to mend with him because I knew thats what my mother wanted and it would work for a few months then he would break me down again. This last time was horrible because of the things he said to me. My father has a serious problem with me being gay and thats fine all I ask is that he not disrespect me just talk to me and express himself....well he cant seem to do that. after the last time i cut him out but then I just said oh what the hell I will just take the abuse because he doesnt have anyone but me in his life. Today once again he went way too far not only did he call me every derogatory name he could think of he did it in front of my twins that for me crossed every line and also made me think about me. Why should I have to take his abuse to love him? Why cant I expect to be loved the right way, and if not the right way then not at all, why? My questions will never be answered but I wont do this I will find the strength to just walk away and wish the best for him but there is no reason I need to continue dealing with a man who obviously has no care or concern for me. I am tried of crying about him and how he treasts me and talks to me. yes I will cry tonight, and tomorrow, maybe even the next but I will become stronger because of it, I will learn a lesson from it all. At the age of 31 I will not allow someone to hurt me like this and for what? Nothing at all. I have tried to be there for him in every way I can and I get nothing in return. I have led a very messed up life at times and yes I am getting the hint now, I am seeing all the signs and realizing who I will not be in the rest of my life. God has given me another day to bring things to light. I appreciate all the blessings in my life and now I will deal with this pain and move on but move on smarter tomorrow than today.

Until next time Love YOU more than anyone else, because YOU are whats the most important.