So today I have been through another emotional rollercoaster and its hard when you just dont know who or what can effect your mood. I have battled with staying at work today because of how I feel but my day is almost over and I made it and I am thankful for it. Its hard, the things I am dealing with right now are hard and mostly because I cant control it but I can control me and thats enough. I have been down all day and I got an email regarding this position I was trying for and I had to smile and its what I needed just to validate the fact that things will get better. With prayer and effort anything is possible and its time to me to make the impossible possible and I feel so confident. I can admit I am very sad but being sad is ok I just don't want to feel unhopeful. I talked to my mom and just expressed to her that I can no longer allow my father to hurt me this way he has brought me back to a horrible place and I cant afford to be here, not here, not now and I am sure she is looking down on me and proud that I even gave it a try. Ok so I am at work and the calls have slowed down a little enough for me to get these thoughts out and I want to thank you guys for reading and emailing me your quesitons and also your problems, never feel like I can't help you because there are always people around me to help me so I have to be the same for others. I am feeling a little better. I have therapy today so thats a good thing (yes I am still very open about therapy nothing wrong with getting help where its needed) and I know me and Kim will come up with a plan to execute and get things on track. This was a nice weekend I thought it was going to be crap but it ended up nice. Support and love can come from the strangest places sometimes but then it gives you the light to look at someone and just say "Thank you for being here for me" ok So thats all for now, I am depressed but I am loved so I cant complain.

 

Ok I am going out side for a cig break (no i dont smoke but thats what its called at work)