So today has been one of those days where you wake up wondering what will come of the day because you know the last day left things unclear. I have made a few decisions in the past few hours and one of them was decided to forgive my father for his wrongs. I will keep forgiving him and forgiving him because I feel in my heart thats what God wants. If I couldnt forgive him then it wouldnt be in my heart. There are some people in this world who try so hard to do right and just don't for whatever reason and that is no reason to stop loving them or being there for them. Its about retalking about their wrongs and then hugging them and saying "I forgive you" just simply that. God has given me a forgiving heart like my mom and instead of being mad about it I will cherish it because my father makes me smile more than he makes me cry so I will start to appreciate the smile more and focus on the tears less. I love him no matter what and I chose to continue to love him no matter what. He isnt promised tomorrow so maybe if I can smile bout him today is just enough for me. I am feeling low today I have to admit somethings just arent going as planned but they are going the way they are supposed to I guess. I had my heart set on something yet things changed and I have to say im hurt by it but at the end of the day I fall back. Fighting some battles are worthless when you know you will have to keep fighting through the whole thing. when there is someone who may question you, and what you do, and then their friend, cousin and or significant other may do the same just all of that right there can cause a problem. I know my family has an issue with my sexuality and they all love me but feel the way they do about it so for that reason I don't deal with them too closely thats how it works. I don't want to fight to suceed and then fight the person who may be on that journey with me. I would much rather throw in the towel and find something else to fight for. Ok so other than that thats all for now I will say starting the book is something I will work towards other than that working and taking care of home is my focus. This weekend was amazing and I couldnt ask for anything more. I thought about a lot and learned a lot about myself and a few others I am peaceful...a little sad but its temporary. I wish for God to bless everyone even those who think poorly of me.
Until next time....
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