Cheaters never win....or do they?

I keep saying I wanted to blog because I have a few things on my mind but some things because I deal with certain people I was gonna be easy but now I am like fuck it man. the one thing about me is I have had very dysfunctional relationships with women and that causes me to ask myself whats wrong with me, I have come to the conclusion its nothing really wrong with them I deal with kinda average chicks so umm what the hell is the problem. I have been thinking about my last couple of girls and I am only thinking of them because I can't say I am big on relationships just not my thing but three girls got me to a place where I wanted to call them my girl. As i am sitting here typing I am like do I wanna really do this blog.....YUP...so for those of my exes who read this blog dont get all offended and either go blog yourself or just be mad at me just know its NEEVE'S blog and I am going to talk about what I wanna talk about so here goes.

About 5 or so years ago I was with this girl imma call her BK and we did our thing she was like a booty call type chick because I only really let her take the train to my house when I wanted to fuck but she was good for giving me the go ahead when I wanted to do something so it came to a point where I wanted another child and she was way supportive gonna play daddi and everything I considered letting her be a girl I wanted to claim but she ended up leaving when I was pregnant. I didnt feel a way about it because I didnt really care for her anyway but while I was pregnant there was a girl imma call her TN who would chirp me (nextel) just to see how I was doing how she was a truck driver and always on the road so for her to always keep in touch and check on me and see if I needed anything was big. I mean she is a les and I am a preg les but yet she always wanted to know how I was even when I had the boys and she couldnt reach me she was worried and thats how she became someone I wanted to claim as my girl. With her things were fun and one thing was her and I cheated all the damn time and while we would get mad at the end of the day she was still my main girl. Time went on and my cheating became a problem for her and she had to break away but no matter what she always came back no matter if it was to help care for me or just simply sex we always found a way back to eachother, during one of our breakups I got interested in a girl imma call her RI and she was real real interesting really femme, mommy figure type chick had me going so I got with her and (in short) ended up cheating and she couldnt deal now with her I would keep going back to her and no matter how much she didnt want to she allowed me to now I got to a point where we were living together and yet I was still cheating and damn I was bugging with that one because I was dealing with TN, and BK was calling me (but nothing was going on with that) and then I was dealing with a girl imma call her CT and umm here is where it gets confusing: In the process of living and leading a family life with RI I was cheating and "caking" with TN and TN knew about RI but RI didnt know about TN. Now TN was somewhat ok with me and RI being together but honestly she was hopeful that I would one day leave and I led her on then I started dealing with CT. Now with CT I knew her from back in the day and honestly she was just supposed to be a fuck but we kept going and then TN found out about CT and because they HATE eachother for TN I had just went too far. So TN kept telling me she couldnt take it but I kept going and all things must come to an end. TN called RI and told her everything and then TN called CT and RI, RI also called CT and then choices had to be made. Everyone knew Neeve was cheating with three different women at the same time. I ended up walking away from RI because she was hurt like beyond hurt because it had been years of this and instead of me trying to fix the problem I walked away, then I cant lie me and TN started dealing again and then shit went sour because it was just too soon and CT was bugging about it and really me and TN I guess had just done too much damage to eachother, cause at the end of the day TN was still trying to help where she could and there were times where RI was helping also. Now all of this says what???? I have fucked up this year lol. I don't mean to laugh but really when I put it out there its crazy and there is so much I am not going to put here but those involved knows what really happened in every situation. My goal now is to make next year a different year, a year where I can end the year saying I only slept with one woman, had one relationship, and was committed. I can't say I am tired of the games cause i been doing it so long its nothing just at the end of the day its not right to hurt people in this way, to cause life changes in people, to cause people to hate me is just wrong and I have to add one more person in this wildness there was CTB (I am not gonna say why I call her that) but she was in it the whole entire time and she was down to regardless all I had to do with her is be honest, with her....I couldnt seem to be who I am, who I was, or who I was gonna be, I tried to show her I was someone I wasnt and I didnt have to because out of everyone else she wasnt my girl she was my...friend. Well I am hopeful about next year, shit I can't say I am leading myself right, at this point but gosh damnit I am going to get there....I miss the games, I miss the random sex but ...hey....gotta change sometime so imma pick Jan 5th cause thats when it all fell apart for me.

again remember to my exes...DONT GET MAD ABOUT THIS DAMN BLOG...im just expressing. I love yall *grin* ok now I am being funny but seriously everyone held a place in my heart and i appreciate everyone for what the did for me and mines you will never be forgotten.

Until next time.....