Not Changing

Ok so once again I havent been writing. Its not because I don't have anything to write about its simply because there is so much going on I wouldnt even know where to start. Things are good in life right now, they arent perfect but I am far from complaining about anything. I am feeling happy and I love this feeling. I don't do much in my daily activities I just wake up take care of the kids and do my best to provide for them. Recently (because I am not working) I have had some possible job opportunities but they are in CT. I have had this battle before when I took a job in CT and it wasnt good for me but I am not going to go into that one because that isnt what brought me to the blog today. I am feeling a little off this Sunday so I am going to kinda express somethings without expressing everything.
I love being a mother, while it has its points where you want to kill yourself I truly love being Mommy to 4 children. There is never a time where I am alone, never a time where I question life, never a full day of sadness when they are happy. No matter what I am doing or how I am feeling their life still continues and that pushes my life along. I personally didnt have the best childhood but my mother did everything in her power to just make me smile. I am working on the same things for my children. Their life hasnt been half as hard as mine yet they have been through some things I wish I could change and am working on that change now. One thing I know about me is I know how to be a mom but I don't know much about being a girlfriend and that causes problems in some of my relationships. I will always stress the fact that my children are number 1, I am number 2, and she (whoever she is) is number 3. Its hard for women without children to understand this and yet they tell you they do when it comes down to it they truly don't. I feel like the only women who truly understand it are women who are always in relationships with women who have children. I have recently had to battle about the "what kind of mother I am" and this is a battle everyone stands to lose in because I am not changing how I am or who I am with my children for anyone, if I did, I would be less of a mother. If a person cant respect my decisions about things concerning my children then truly....fuck it. That may sound harsh but any parent out there who puts their mate before their children can go to hell. My children didnt ask for this life, I did, I chose to bring my children here in this fucked up world so I need to do everything in my power to make the best of it. I can't sit on the fucking phone hours and hours, I can't text all day, I can't be all up under you when they are here. The hardest thing for me is that when I tell women what kind of clingy parent I am they say "Oh thats great I respect that" its all bullshit when it comes down to you needing me and them needing me im always gonna pick them and thats where the battle comes in. Now i am never going to question what I should do or shouldnt do because I am always going to be a mother regardless of what you are going through but it does come to a point where you will be upset with me and I will tell you to kiss my ass and then you will be mad. I am tired of going through shit like this. I am tired of defending my parenting, I am tired of being told what I should do as a mom and how I should make time. When this happens I am at a FUCK YOU point in the relationship. I am really writing this blog for all the parents who attempt relationships. No one and I mean no one is more important than you children and if anyone ever wants to be before them, even just one time please please tell them to kiss your ass youre not changing anything and if they cant respect that then they dont need to be in your life. So this it for me right here....dont like way I parent, you need to excuse yourself from my life....NOW.

until next time.........