Its all so clear to me now

So its about 8 something in the morning on Saturday and last night was fun and interesting. I am always one to blog about life and things that make me come to terms with who I am and something happened last night that I want to talk about. Its going to take me a while to get down to what the real thing that happened was but I am going to get there. So I have a hard time with life sometimes and I am working on so many things all at one time and it gets hard but it gets so much easier once I build an understanding of things that are going on with me now. Ok let me try to put it into terms that people can understand. I had a hard life growing up abuse of every kind and just shit that its still hard for me to deal with even today. I am an adult now but I would be a lie if I said what happened in my past doesnt still effect the things and choices I make today. I thought about a lot of things last night and this morning and thats why I am here now with this blog. Women in my position tend to seek out some sort of outlet when it comes to what they have been through and I think I had chosen mine but there are still somethings I dont understand, one came very clear to me. Last night I was talking to Tyrone he has been my friend since I was 11 we spent countless days together chilling, vibing and just building and understanding for eachother. The one thing that now we are adults we talked about how life has changed for us and yet how our mentals have stayed the same and no one seems to understand us as a person. I value him so much more now than I ever have. Me being a lesbian has changed my life in a few ways but not many the one thing I am always insecure about is how men approach lesbians because they always see us a threat, Tyrone is someone who has always understood me and respected me as a person. Last night I found out he sleeps for 2 hours a night, the reason why I picked this to talk about is being I too have suffered from the same thing for the same amount of time something happened in our lives to make us uncomfortalbe with sleeping and thats bad becuase your mind can run so much when youre awake your mind needs that time to rest. I can openly admit that I take medication to help me sleep and have been on meds for a very long time. I said that I wouldnt take meds this weekend because if he is up then I am going to be up with him. (now here is where I am being 100% honest regardless how people feel about it) We were sitting on the couch watching tv and we both were getting kind of tired so we went and got in the bed, he put his arm around me and held me and I went to sleep....we both woke up around the same time and smiled and went on about our morning. For me that makes so many things come clear to me, I remember when I was younger I would go over his house while he was sleeping climb in his bed and just sleep because unlike at my house I was safe there, there wasnt anyone to come to my door or my bed at 2 or 3 am, I could actually sleep through the night undisturbed, he would even get up and go to work and leave me sleeping. I now see that I find comfort in him because he is my protector, my rock. I love him more than I can even imgagine. When you find someone that you are whole with its an amazing feeling and right now I feel ok, I am not thinking about how horrible my father is, I am not thinking about what my father is doing right now, I am actually comfortable with talking about my mom without crying good or bad, he remembers my moms voice and that touches me. I am complete. Now for all the questionable people that will read this if you know me...then you know Tyrone is my brother (in heart) and God sent him here right now for a reason. I have to realize I can't change what has happened to me or what I am going through because of it but at the end of the day I will be ok, God will see me through, and when I feel like things arent going right he will send someone in my path to make things much more clear to me. This blog is for Ty I love you forever you have been amazing to me and I will never let you go again. Ok now imma go make him breakfast lmaoooooo he been waiting all morning lol.