Unclear

Ok this isnt going to be a long one (at least I hope not) I have been sad every since 11:55 this morning and I have played things over and over in my head trying to figure out what it was. I have played with a few ideas yet nothing is making me feel better with this whole thing. I can't say I am in denial but I have to say this is weird to me. I honestly thought my period was coming on because I am so emotional and thats weird for me. Well as you all know Tyrone was here and he left today. I expected to cry when he left but I didnt expect to cry all damn day and thats what I have done, my agitation level is high and I am just uncomfortable. I didnt talk to him all day because after his flight he had a lot to do cause he has to work tomorrow and I had to go pick the kids up so we both were busy and just now I got a phone call from him and I feel better but still sad. Tyrone is a wonderful person, its rare you can stay connected to someone for almost 21 years we litterally became friends when I was 11 until now and I am 32. Time from time we would lose touch for a month or so but then we get right back to how we have always been. I always looked at him as family, so many nights looking to him for protection and comfort. Now as I am writing this blog I am seeing that I am sad because he is gone. I spent most of my life fightin men and now...he is the one man that makes me feel safe. I am not going to go off the deep end with this one but truly he showed me that I will be ok with help, I will be just fine. He is amazing to me, he has given me something amazing and thats unconditional friendship and I truly love him for that. I will miss him truly but I will always look to him as I have for the past 21 years. I will lay tonight wishing he was here to protect me from all the bad but at the same time I know I am ok and I will make it. I am playing with a few ideas right now but I will give it to God and say no more, God will always lead me in the right direction as long as I allow him to guide me. Ok I am going to cry and cry some more but at the end of the day I will be just fine.

Goodnight