I came to the realization that things aren't going to work. Like I did
my best but maybe I did my best for all the wrong reasons...maybe I was
looking for an outlet, maybe I wanted something someone else had, maybe
I just wanted to prove everyone wrong. Whatever the reason was its no
more. I am a different person today not because of my present but
because of my past. I learned the hard way what you don't do to the ones
you love, I learned the grass isn't greener on the other side, just the
brown spots are in the back yard. I am focused and determined. As always
in my life there are set backs but God and my mother made me strong
enough to continue on. I know my mom looks down on me giving me the
strength and the knowledge to continue doing what needs to be done for
the kids and myself. I hit times where I lose self esteem and feel low
but I pick myself up and keep going. Maybe I don't make all the right
choices but at least now I am taking the time to learn from them.
Happiness isn't something I have but its something I have to look
forward to. As long as I remain positive I won't give up because my
mother never gave up so why should I and her fight in life was much
harder than mine. Im no longer the chatter bug anymore, my phone doesn't
ring, no textes, no nothing and I am content with that. My dream is to
just be stable and happy, wife and kids, maybe a puppy or a bird,
vacations once a year. School shopping and babysitters so me and my wife
can go out for dinner. That's not much to ask for and that's how I know
I will have it. Im not looking for a mate right now when the time is
right God will place her in my life, right now its the kids, then me. Im
ok with that. Feeling a little sad today but as always I will be
alright.
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