Today

yes I am in a blogging mood its in between cleaning and doing stuff around the house. I was reading my horoscope just now.
Your key planet Mercury is very active as it turns direct in your sign. You might feel as if your whole world is spinning and you cannot quite grab on to any one piece of it. Instead of trying to keep up with the hectic pace, pick something simple to focus your attention on. Each time you become distracted, keep bringing your thoughts back to center. Thankfully, life will return to normal over the next few days.

That says a lot for me because my life has been very hectic these past few months. I have been battling the move and the job and other life events but all in all life always shows you where you should be. I have been paying a lot more attention to the signs of life and trying to maintain and non drama lifestyle. I don't do much really I go to work, go home, take care of the kids then back to work again. Now I don't claim to be a saint and I don't say that I do all the right things in life but lord knows I am trying. Sometimes things get the best of you, or people do but all in all I know where I want to be even if I am not there, I know there is where I should be. I had a nice convo with someone last night it truly put a smile on my face like....*grin* anyway it was nice and I appreciate times like that. There are people that read my blog that don't like what i have to say and really its not for those people to read. I am not going to give the negative any of my time. I am going to eat some lunch and watch Wow Wow Wuzzby with the boys man oh man its nice being home on a weekday but the workday begins again tomorrow and I am prepared for it.

Note to all who read that dont have my best interest at heart....Stop and think for a min in life we are given choices, chose wisely....I do or at least I try to.

OOOHHHH and to that someone I conversed with last night...*wink* yup uh huh lol. Ok yall imma go eat lunch.

Tmobile

Ok world I am actually home from work today because of well never mind all that so anyway I am home today cleaning up and doing stuff around the house and all of a sudden my phone rings. Now I am going to kind of share some personal stuff with yall my phone is....*cough* off right now because I owe tmobile $500 now the good thing about tmobile is that my calls are retricted and that means I can get incoming but can't make outgoing calls. Its horrible because I can't even text so yall know I am dying but all in all I was ok because I was like aww I will just pay it on friday. Now if you want to know why my bill is so high call my daughter and ask her why she talks to people who not are on her favs during the day...WHEN SHE IS IN A HOUSE WITH A HOUSE PHONE...anyway I solved that problem I uped my plan. so anyway I am sitting here about to go to the grocery store and my phone rings. I run to it because whoever it is I cant call back lol so I have to answer when they call me. Its tmobile (yes this is turning into a story lol) the nice lady gives me an offer I can not refuse. She tells me that at the end of October my bill is going to be $724.36 and my mouth drops but I am used to paying high bills she then says if I can pay $290 today she will give me a credit for the remaining..OOOMMMGGGGG like I am saving hundreds of dollars and she is on the phone thanking me for being a customer hell I am thanking her for calling me and giving me this offer. So now I don't even have a bill for october and she is offering me an upgrade on all my phones (I have two and my daughter has one) omg I feel so blessed. Yall just don't understand going from paying $500 this weekend to $2something I can do so much more this week for the house...seeing I am still here in RI. I feel so good and today I was feeling really low (hence why I am home) and I am still in a slump yet this little tid bit does make me feel nice.

Oh I also want to thank all my readers. I have decided to delete a certain blog about someone that was kinda mean because really its uncalled for.......I am looking into being a better person and not being so one sided and mean.

Ok I found something

I removed this blog cause I was just being mean....thats not the way to live life everyone is differnt and thats ok.....cant call the kettle black.

Much love to who this blog was about no hard feelings I hope

Bored...maybe

I have been online for about 20 mins or so and I am bored so I went looking for some news and couldnt find anything worth reading or maybe I am so focused on my own personal news I couldnt take the time to open my mind to anything else. Things for me have been really weird these past few days its like once I just let go of things everything seems to be coming more clear to me. I think I was hanging on to some feelings and or emotions that were useless to me. Its like wishing you could eat your favorite food but your allergic....why not just find another food you enjoy just as much...right? so thats what I am in the process of doing, instead of wishing this or that I will just find something that fits me and my life better so that way I still remain satified. Im watching scooby doo with baby Bird, now of course snoogie is here too but he isnt interested in the show he is actually sitting here talking me to death. Today was soooo long at work I got there around 6something and didnt get off until 6 so that truly wore me down and the system was down so instead of it being time off from work it was stressful because with the type of job I have now we have to stay until the work is done. I had a horrible headache but the ride home was ok. Well I am just going on about nothing because I am in the mood to talk but nothing i really want to talk about maybe tomorrow or the next day. Oh one good thing if the system isnt up I am off tomorrow so I can spend the day chilling. I need to go out this weekend and just remind myself I am not 89 years old....lets see how that goes. Good things are happening right before my eyes and like my therapist says. dont stress myself about what next be thankful for right now and right now....someone is showing they are more of a support than I thought. Ok I am done talking about nothing....until next time

Ok I had another thought. Have people lowered their standards? See this
is what I was thinking about just now again Que inspired. You're never
supposed to do worse than the last in any way. So im sitting here
thinking about the temporary girl and how she is not who I see myself
with but at the same time she served a purpose. I could never truly say
I was in love with that its a situation ya know. Anyway im against
certain things and they are things I don't do for many reasons. Like I
don't smoke anything at all and pride myself on that now how do I look
wifin anything less than that? Also I don't drink (anymore) again
wwhhyyyy would I want someone who does shit I don't do. Am I wrong? Hell
no if u do have standards ur just desperate to call someone ur girl. Im
not trying to be mean but I feel some anger all of a sudden. So I wanna
say to the girls who have adapted to others lifestyle that goes against
ur own. IS THE BITCH WORTH IT?... ok maybe that was harsh lol. Imma go
back to just driving and putting my mind elsewhere cause if I think
about certain people too much imma say some shit. I think these thoughts
are what I needed to just look at certain people and say....*shrug*
that's u.....ok im gone now long day ahead of me. My homegirl Trice is
about to put a new prospective on life for me today.
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Its 5something in the morning and I am driving to work. I was watching
daddys girls last night and its a cute show I think I am falling in love
with the cousin she is sexy from her voice to her body and her ways wow.
Ok anyway at the end of the show run said something that made me smile.
He said when he is trying to make decisions about things he starts
beating himself over the head trying to figure out what to do and once
you stop beating yourself over the head things start to come to your
mind easier. I have been really going through it trying to decide where
I should be and where I want to be between CT and RI and its been a hard
battle because I do have someone to talk to about it and she was willing
to help there was only so much she could do from her end the weight
still was on my shoulders. The battle was hard hell it still is and last
night I had to let it all go. Anyway that's not even what I came to blog
about. so ............ I was online reading a friend of mines blog it
was about or tittle ex to the next or something (sorry Que I forgot the
name) and it was about how her ex has a girl and she can tell they are
happy and things are good with them and she is ok with her relationship
status but there are things she wants to ask her ex about the next in
comparison but she feels like her ex either won't answer or if she does
answer she won't be honest. I feel exactly where you are coming from
Que. I have an ex that I can tell is happy with her girl yet there are
things I wanna know. Like im confident and all but shit im a virgo so im
curious as hell. Like I know im fun and funny so I don't wanna know
who's funnier my question is more of the sexual type. Like everyones sex
is different but one thing I have never had someone tell me someone was
better was my oral skills. Yessss I wanna know if she is better than me.
That's just wrong right? Well fuck it I wanna know. I don't think I will
ask for the same reasons Que won't ask her ex but it does cross my mind
a lot *shrug* lol. Welp im not gonna say anymore I guess people are
where they want to be....time for me to let go and find my own path and
focus on that. Ok yall imma finish driving.
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So im driving to work and usually for the hour and 45mins I either don't
listen to anything or I listen to various radio stations becasue going
from one state to another the stations can have horrible reception. So
this morning I decided to listen to my ipod andim feeling all kinds of
ways. I was ok when I woke up this morning but this music has put me in
another frame of mind. Im feeling sad right now. Missing someone is hard
when there is no way to fix it when so much has been done that there is
no turning back. I promise myself im not going to spend years of regret
and try to take it as lifes lessons but all in all it hurts bad. Im not
a jealous person at all I can be envious at times but it doesn't last
long but right now im feeling so much inside myself im close to tears
and there is only one person who can bring me there. I wish there was
something I could do something I could have changed. Im so not going to
allow myself to slip into something I don't know how to get out of but
damn im feeling it right now. I won't dwell on this I can't I have too
much going on but God knows I miss........her. Ok im so done here. I
hope my blog helps someone out there who doesn't appreciate the one who
truly loves you like no other and expects nothing else from you but ur
love in return.
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I came to the realization that things aren't going to work. Like I did
my best but maybe I did my best for all the wrong reasons...maybe I was
looking for an outlet, maybe I wanted something someone else had, maybe
I just wanted to prove everyone wrong. Whatever the reason was its no
more. I am a different person today not because of my present but
because of my past. I learned the hard way what you don't do to the ones
you love, I learned the grass isn't greener on the other side, just the
brown spots are in the back yard. I am focused and determined. As always
in my life there are set backs but God and my mother made me strong
enough to continue on. I know my mom looks down on me giving me the
strength and the knowledge to continue doing what needs to be done for
the kids and myself. I hit times where I lose self esteem and feel low
but I pick myself up and keep going. Maybe I don't make all the right
choices but at least now I am taking the time to learn from them.
Happiness isn't something I have but its something I have to look
forward to. As long as I remain positive I won't give up because my
mother never gave up so why should I and her fight in life was much
harder than mine. Im no longer the chatter bug anymore, my phone doesn't
ring, no textes, no nothing and I am content with that. My dream is to
just be stable and happy, wife and kids, maybe a puppy or a bird,
vacations once a year. School shopping and babysitters so me and my wife
can go out for dinner. That's not much to ask for and that's how I know
I will have it. Im not looking for a mate right now when the time is
right God will place her in my life, right now its the kids, then me. Im
ok with that. Feeling a little sad today but as always I will be
alright.
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So im driving to work this morning mind heavy as hell and I guess one of
the boys put my ipod on repeat when I realized I had been listening to
the same song for an hour I smiled because my boys r bad lol, also I
love this song and it has a lot of meaning behind and that makes my mind
even more heavy but the weight will lift itself at some point. Here goes
the song
Damn baby
Just don't understand where we went wrong
I gave you my heart
I gave you my soul
I gave you...
As a matter of fact I was the one who said I love you first
It was about eight years ago, don't act like you don't know
We were sittin' at home in your mama's livin' room
Cause, we couldn't be alone
See your mama knew I was something else, she knew how I felt
Back then we were in school; and that's your favourite excuse
Growin' up I was a fool; and I can't lie I'm missing you
Listen and don't trip
I think I need a bottle with a genie in it
Here's my wish list
First one, I would create a heart changing love
Second one, I'll take yours and fill it all the way up
Third one, but I don't need a lot of wishes cause I'll be okay if I get
one
If I had one wish, we would be best friends
Love would never end, it would just begin
If I had one wish, you would be my boo
Promise to love you, trust me I'll trust you
If I had one wish, we would run away
Making love all day, have us a baby
If I had one wish, I'd make you my whole life
And you'd be my wife, make it right this time
If I had one wish
One wish, one wish, one wish
One wish, one wish, one wish
One wish, one wish, one wish
One wish, one wish, one wish
Now tell me is this the only way I can get you right back in
If so then searchin' I'll go, then I can have you for sho
Then you'll be loving me, holding me, kissing me
So girl don't tell me what I'm feeling is make believe
I swear if I lose a second chance with you
I wouldn't know what to do
I'd probably check myself into some kind of clinic
I couldn't be alone because without you I'm sick
Here's my wish list
First one, I would create a heart changing love
Second one, I'll take yours and fill it all the way up
Third one, but I don't need a lot of wishes cause I'll be okay if I get
one
If I had one wish, we would be best friends
Love would never end, it would just begin
If I had one wish, you would be my boo
Promise to love you, trust me I'll trust you
If I had one wish, we would run away
Making love all day, have us a baby
If I had one wish, I'd make you my whole life
And you'd be my wife, make it right this time
If I had one wish
I don't even know how we ended upon this road
And, even though we are grown, Girl I just want you to know
If I had one wish, we would be best friends
Love would never end, it would just begin
If I had one wish, you would be my boo
Promise to love you, trust me I'll trust you
If I had one wish, we would run away
Making love all day, have us a baby
If I had one wish, I'd make you my whole life
And you'd be my wife, make it right this time
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So im driving to work its 6am I have about 40 more mins on the road and
I been listening to neyo ad floetry and something keeps entering into my
mind. I am leaving rhode island next week and I won't be returning, its
kinda weird becakse I have been a park of rhode island even if it was
just visiting for the past 4 or more years so this is kinda strange. Im
wondering if I need closure. I just texted my cousin and she is funny
cause normally she would have said hell nah lol but she said maybe so.
Again this is something I will watch for. If and when I see the sign I
will, if I don't then that's not something im supposed to do. I feel
humble right now. *truth time* sometime you just have to be honest with
yourself despite what others may think of you. Your heart never lies, it
may be hard to face it but reality is someone people are just mean to be
together even though it kills u its the truth. Oh im doing 80 on the
highway maybe I shouldn't bo blogging at the same time lol. I guess I
live on the edge. Exscuse the typos don't have time to spell check
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God always shows you the way

So I'm not the type of person to act like things are all great when they arent. yes life can have its ups and downs but you can go through times when you don't see a way out when you feel stuck and compelled with what you are faced with. I was in that situation for a few weeks now and it was really getting to me, physically and mentally and for whatever reason I couldnt get out. I even had to not see my therapist because my job hours are crazy but she was able to do some phone time. I was at a point of driving and hour and 45 mins to work everyday having to park 20 mins from the job because parking is so expensive and mind you I am in a new place that I know nothing about. The city I now work in is a big city and a lot goes on down there but when you take someone who knows nothing about it that can be kinda scary. I am not going to go too into detail about everything just simply because I dont have time but last week I had to give it to God. I could no longer fight the battle alone or attempt to figure anything out, I was thinking of even quitting my job and anyone who knows me knows I don't quit jobs. I was at the end of the road and I simply said "God is this is what you want for me then please make a way" the next day he made a way. He sent a new friend in my path that has helped me in amazing ways in just a week. She has helped me find a closer park, programs and also an apartment. Its so weird how we met but regardless she is amazing. I am moving next weekend and I am so thankful for that. This blog is mainly to say God is here, even when we don't think he is, he truly is and never ever deny his power and his love. while things are always perfect in our eyes, we will get through it. Ok I wanted to touch on some other stuff but I will do that in my next blog its 5am and I have to head out for work. To all who read this thanks for taking the time to be interested in my words. Everyone have a blessed day.

PAIN
SADNESS
TEARS
STUCK
COMPELED
RESTRICTED
HELD
FEAR
STRANGE
BEYOND
COLD
DISTANT
STRONG
CONFIDENT
LOVE
FORGIVENESS
FOR EVERY 12 WEAKNESSES THERE ARE 4 STRENGTHS THAT OVERPOWER
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Man I have been wanting to write a blog but truly haven't had the time.
With working 10 to 11 hours on the new job and the kids I truly am tired
like my body has never been so tired. And to add to all of that I start
school next week yeah its a lot but it will be worth it in Jan. I am
looking forward to a new year with new opportunities. Life changes
everyday we can either watch it or be a part of it. Oohhh um yeah that's
it for now so everyone remain blessed and thanks for the birthday wishes
they were well needed. wait I can't leave without talking about the Tyra
Banks show today. It was about cheating mates...should u leave or should
u stay. There was this girl on there who kept cheating on her boyfriend
like over and over again yet she wanted to stay with him....long story
short he battled with if he should stay. Then there was a gay couple and
the guy said he loved his boyfriend but just went through a wild time of
cheating but he still loved him and the boyfriend who had been cheated
on said he still loved him yet its going to take time for him to get
over it. This story was amazing to see how everyone deals with lifes
situations. I myself understand where they are coming from and all I can
say is your minds speaks loud but your heart yells. Ok all goodnight its
already 10:23 and I gotta be up at 4...yea imma be dragging lol.
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