sat evening

hey again, lets see I always try to talk about new stuff going on in my life so I did something kinda new last night and I am feeling ok about it right now. These past few weeks have been really hard on me because things have seriously changed in so many ways and I feel alone because no one can seem to understand where I am coming from with it all at this point. either people just hate what I have done or just simply have no understanding of it by just saying its ok....or ...it will be fine...things like that while coming from the person sound nice yet me hearing them doesnt change what I am going through at this point. I am sitting here trying to write this blog and I have someone talking me to death..umm cant you see me doing something? Ok anyway back to what i was writing about. So last night I got my hair done and I went down to my homegirl Jens house and had so much fun omg it felt so good to just do stuff like that really felt good. I got home around 6am and I have been sleep all damn day but I still had to hit the mall and get some stuff for the kids. All in all I had a really nice time there and while I wanted to go back today I was beat and I also have some things to take care of here at home. Tomorrow I am going to wash clothes and do some cleaning get ready for another week at the job and also looking forward to my week of working out. I am going to start weight watchers on wednesday just to again keep track of the weight loss. I am feeling really bothered right now and I am doing my best to relax my mind but cant seem to. Maybe I need to go to sleep and just relax all thoughts for a little while and once i do that maybe I can come back tomorrow and blog with more stubstance.

Ok thats all for now...stay tuned.

another day

Ok so some weird stuff happened today I think I am going to say it here and then just go on random thoughts as I always do. So today was nice like I was at work just looking forward to this weekend because I have a lot of financial stuff I need to take care of and this weekend I am going to finally get to do it, also I am going to do some shopping for the kids and thats always a good thing. So I got a phone call from my girl saying that she heard my kids father was saying that she was beating on me and that was like the funniest thing in the world because thats so weird for a dude to gossip but I guess it happens but came out he didnt say it he said something in regards to my ex and just it came down to my current girlfriend so that was a really weird point of the day. I didnt get to work out today because they were doing maintnance in the gym today until 630 and there was no way I was going to stay at the job until then so I came home and watched tv. I am getting my hair done tomorrow and I cant wait cause good gosh its a mess. I am going for a different look now because I am hitting the gym more offten now and I need to protect my hair so thats what it is for right now. I am feeling kinda weird right now and even my horoscope is kind of confirming my thoughts but I also know sometimes I can pay too much attention I am just going to post my scope here and see how things go from this point on. all in all I have had a good day I am actually tired so I am going to go ahead and go to sleep. Now I have a bunch of thoughts in my head but I am going to give my brain time to relax and stop thinking so much I am just going to think about getting my hair done tomorrow because me without my hair done is crazy and I dont even dress right when it isnt done now lmao Ok enough about me...wait..this is my blog I can talk as much about myself as I want to. OH WE ARE IN A RECESSION....like thats crazy and we are all feeling it in some kinda way. i actually went a month without eating lunch at work just to save money and wow whew knew it would be a good thing.

My Twittascope: Virgo

It may seem as if someone is keeping something important from you today, but you don't know what it is and there's no way you can look into it without appearing to be a bit paranoid. But the more you try to ignore your uneasiness, the more it gnaws at you. Be careful, for you can actually create a problem that didn't exist. It's best to be upfront and just admit that you're worried. At least that way you won't continue to feed the situation with your insecurities. Thursday, May 28, 2009

Working out

Ok so I been doing this work out thing for less than a week and I have to say so far it feels so good. Going to the gym is such a huge stress reliever and I wish I knew that years ago. Its nice because they gym at my job is really nice and has all the machines you want but at the same time no one is there, I work with 1500 people in a call center and my trainer said about 300 are signed up and only 10 really work out....and thats weird lol. We always say how we want to work out and be healthy and blah blah but we have to take a step forward to do so. I now want to go hard at my weight loss because I know its going to take at least a year for me to really see results but I dont want to do surgery or anything like that because it didnt take surgery for me to become overweight so why would I do it to lose weight. Trust me I am not knocking those who have had any type of weight changing surgeries because thats their choice and I back anyone who just wants to be heathier its just not for me. I am going to do this hard body, I will work out everyday that I can and the days that I dont I will do some form of exercising even if its just walking around the mall or the parking lot for an hour. yesterday I did my first hour in the gym I had been doing 30 mins and that felt really good so I am now up to an hour. I am going to also start weight watchers just to keep track of my weight its nice to take a look back and see where it all began. Ok now I am really about to get ready for work. I will be making this blog public at some point because maybe there is someone out there who needs some advice or just wants to know there is someone out here going through the same thing as them but for right now..imma keep it hush hush lol.

Why me???

Ok so something really wrong happened over the weekend and of course I can't go into the specifics of it but it involves someone who its really in my life anymore but damn it caused me to really think about some things. See my life goes in a real pattern and its a pattern thats so hard to break. In this situation I didnt do anything wrong but what was done to me makes me take a look and say why, why me? why do things like this happen to me.....hmm.....who knows but its something that I am working on. sometimes you cant always blame the person who is doing something to you if they have done it before you have to take a look at yourself and ask why involve yourself with someone who is toxic to your life. I have gotten rid of a lot of poeple and some think its because of my girl and in some ways it is only because she is helping me to see who is not needed in my life and who is only here to just cause trouble. I have an ex that did the same thing but I didnt listen to her and now her and I no longer speak and thats sad because we have history but I will continue to live and learn. You have to treat people the way you want to be treated no matter what. I am growing up now in my old age lmao but thats ok because there are people twice my age who still dont get it. My whole point here was just to talk about the fact that I am tired of random things happeneing to me when I know I am on the right path trying to do the right thing and only involve myself with the right people but some still see me as who I used to be and will try their best to take advantage of that any chance they get. Only difference now is I wont do it, I wont do what you want me to do to, I wont do what you expect me to do, so all I ask is that you respect me for who I am now..and dont disrepect who I was then. Ok I am off to work now....

Random Sunday

I have been trying to commit myself to typing here and also my personal blog on my desk top sometimes I just dont know what to say here. One thing I want to talk about is my new weight loss journey. Now I have always been a big girl so that doesnt bother me but in the past year and a half close to two years I have put on a serious 60 pounds and it was truly due to med and depression. I am no longer on meds and no longer depressed (for the most part) so why not go ahead and do something about it. I finally started working out last wednesday but I only did wednesday and thursday and here I am at sunday and I am going to restart the work out tomorrow. I have a full gym at my job so it was truly time to make use of it. It feels so good to work out even though it would be nice to get off of the eliptical and weigh like 20 pounds less, those results arent possible. I do know by next year this time I will know the work was all worth it. I am not working on my weight for any other reason then 1. I have asthma, 2. I need to be healthy, and 3. shopping will be that much more fun lol. I am going to keep track of my weight loss on a more personal level but I will tell every week if I have lost or gained from my last weight check. I did my weight today because this is the begining and I am going to recheck next sunday. so if nothing else I will be blogging on sundays to do an update. Ok other than that i am on my way to buy a desk I saw that was really pretty. Yall stay blessed.

Interesting day today

I usually do blogs where I say oh this is a new day and blah blah but really today is just another day but its a different feeling to this day. I am sitting here at 8:17pm alone litterally wondering what I am going to do until its time for me to go to sleep. As always I am trying to figure out what to do next and I think I got it. I am actually going to write here everyday very open ended type of conversations but kind of a 'how to" booklet. Learning starts with understanding where you want to be and how to get there. I know where I want to be I just have to climb a small mountain to get there but today I am going to cherrish this moment alone and do something that matters tonight. I talked to Dionie tonight and I hadnt in a while and it was refreshing because its nice to hear the smile from a child through the phone when they speak with you. No matter where she is or who she is around she will always remember Neeve. I have a short way to go, I cant even say a long way to go because I am more than half way there its just a point of changing my mind set a little and pushing that much harder. I have an amazing mind and an amazing drive its just a point of keeping gas in the car and not letting it get on "E" At the end of each blog I am going to list something different I did today. Not just going to work and making dinner and paying bills but something that will have an effect on the rest of my life.

-----Today I started this blog that was my goal and I did it.