It's Early

For the past week or so I have been waking up at either 2am or 4am and this is just another day so I figured I would get online and do some stuff. Normally I just lay in the bed and attempt to fall back to sleep but after days of trying this I figured I would do something new. I have a plan for tomorrow, if I wake up again I am going to take a hot shower...now this usually wakes people up but for an ansomniac like myself who knows. I am doing so much these days is kinda weird because I am usually more of a home body could be because I am lazy but heck who cares all I know is that I should be tired as hell but I'm not and thats what bothers me. I have been working out trying to take care of myself right now I am in a really nice hotel with a heated swimming pool, nice fitness center, great computer...amazing beds and I am up thats weird right? Oh well I will sleep one day lol.

I have to express a couple of personal things like lets talk about income tax. Now I have been doing my taxes and my familes since I was 14 (my own since I was 16) I got this from my mother with her being an accountant and all she taught me so much as far as taxes go. I was cool because when it was time to take this class in college I was an A+ studen and my teacher loved it. This year I thought I wasnt going to do my families taxes because for the past couple of years I havent had to but some how I am going to end up doing them I guess its because I am in CT they figure..."hell she is here so why not" So anyway I remember working at the bank and also just hearing people talk about getting income tax checks for like $10,000 and I have wondered what in the hell are they doing in the year to get a check like that and I never knew until now. I AM A PROUD OWNER OF ONE OF THOSE CHECKS. How you ask.... let me tell you. Last year I left my job because I wasnt able to work anymore if you read my blogs then you already know the situation so I only worked a few months out of the year but I was also on disability but you don't get a 1099 for temporary disability so with what I made from my job and my dependants I did my taxes and couldnt believe it when I saw it but I wasnt going to count on it until it hit my account and when it did all I did was say THANK YOU GOD. This is truly going to be a wonderful year, I hope to experience a lot and get a lot accomplished. I am having fun right now and the one thing I am going to do with the money is take the kids on a cruise. I am booking it today and they are so excited we are going to the Bahamas. I am blessed in so many ways and I am finally learning to be thankful for all the blessings. I have planned three trips for this year. My first trip is going to spend a few days in NC with friends, second is the cruise and the third is Atl to go see HER and after that...who knows I am also going to get season passes to Great Adventure the kids love that. The one thing thats great about having this type of money is you can have fun and still pay your bills. when the money hit the account thats the first thing I do because I have any type of fun....now...its time to have fun. Ok the kids are in the room sleeping hard I am going to go back and relax with thm its almost breakfast time so we are gonna have a nice weekend no stress no bs. For those who have attempted to call my phone just know I needed a break from that number, the blocked calls, the calls from my dads family all of that I needed a break from. I have a new number and those who I care about know how to get in touch with me...and those who don't matter...dont lol, but I do miss my number lol.
Well thats all for now

Until next time........

Bitter sweet

Ever wonder what my titles mean?? just ask

Yesterday I was handing out with the kids and we were getting dinner I was in the process of getting a salad when this guy comes up to me and tells me this story about how he had a flat tire and lived 45mins away and had no money for a tire. Now I have been approached for money before from strangers but this time I just happened to not have a lot of cash on me. I explained to him that I only had two dollars on me and he said he would take that and ask more people. I even thought about just going to the tire place with him and using my card but I had the kids and didnt want to put them in danger. I rolled up the window while I was getting the dollars and then my son and daughter all of a sudden pull all the money they have in their pockets out to give to this man so he could get a tire. I am a strong believer in helping people who need it. We were all able to help and what touched me is my children are just as giving as i am and that was amazing.

Today at the twins school they were having pizza pj night and this is where you wear your pj's to school and have pizza and read books. I read to them in the classroom and it was so cute how everyone interacted with the story I was again touched by the innocents of a child. Some poeple spend so much time with the social lives or their love lives that they don't put in enough effort into their children. If your child spends more than two weekends at the baby sitters house so you can go out and do whateer then you are truly doing too much. If you are leaving your child late hours of the night to do random shit you are truly doing too much. I just spent some time thinking about the few "parents" i know and sometimes its sad.

Today was another weird point I havent talked to my therapist for a little while because I had a issue and now I went to her and it was refreshing and yet bitter sweet........point here is that she has helped me in amazing ways and I finally let go of things that should have been let go of years ago....its great to know the truth about things and people and once you know the truth you don't hold a grudge you just realize they werent even worth your time or effort and I am a better person for it. Also some people will always get what they have been getting because they keep doing the same things. Like why expect something different dont expect someone to love you when you dont even know how to love yourself dont expect someone to love you when you stalk them into being with you dont expect someone to love you when you are obviously desperate yet claim you can have anyone...if you could have anyone then why keep dealing with the same sorry fucked up people...maybe...because...youre not worth anyone good maybe you don't have shit to offer but the bottom of the barrel.
well i am watching bad girls club....then imma pass out

Until next time......

busy

Can you believe I have actually been too busy to blog and tweet like I used to. It feels good I cant lie but everyone needs a day off lol. So I don't really want to talk about me but I went to watch the news and read a couple of things online and I cant find anything that actually catches my eye in the world. There are obvious things going on with other countries and not that I am not sympathetic to it all its just not something I want to blog about. I was reading the Wall Street Journal a few mins ago and there was an artical about Sam's club discussing the downsizing of jobs by 11,000. Thats such a huge number and such a horrible thing to even consider. All the jobs that are being cut are for its part time employees. Its sad to think that someone could be working part time because they need extra income or they are working part time because their schedule with their children does not permit them to hold a full time job either way its horrible. One of the reasons that they are cutting the jobs is because of the outsourcing thats going on with them and Walmart. With a store like Sam's club who sells things in bulk there is always a change that a company can feel as though they will make more money with selling in smaller quanitites. One thing about Sam's is that they do charge you a fee to be a "member" so in order to buy in bulk there is a charge per year also some assume you are saving a lot of money in these types of wholesale places but you need to do your research on the items you select. When I was pregnant with the twins everyone told me it would be best if I shopped there for pampers and baby food they way I determined if this was financially smart is I went there and price their papmers and came up with a per pamper cost (by takeing the price of the box and dividing by the number of pampers) then I went to Walmart and did the same thing with a smaller box but one that was not on sale and I came to find that in fact I wasnt going to save any money just simply time. The reason one can benifit from this store if you are not saving money is if you don't want to make several trips to the store and regardless of cost you just want to make one trip then yes this is the place for you. I personally feel as though if I want to save money and time I will simply ask the Walmart store for what I want but in a larger quanity...be paitient and wait for them to get it from the back.

In a more personal news my twins start daycare tomorrow. Its been 2 years since they have been in daycare and I know its going to be an emotional day for me. They went last week and spent some time with the children in their class to just do a trial run and they loved it. My biggest concern was my youngest twin because he is very clingy but he did just fine I actually made him think I was leaving so I could go do paper work and about an hour and a half later I went to get him from his class and he didnt want to leave. It was amazing and we are truly blessed. I am so happy for the boys as I have said before this has been long coming. Ok well its time to turn in the boys are already in the bed sleeping ready for their big day tomorrow. Good night and God bless.
Until next time.........

Process

Everything in life is a process. I am spending a lot of time getting things together in my life and making sure everything is well thought out. I am known for making quick moves and not taking the time to think them through. The one thing I tend to forget is at least for today God has given me the time to do what needs to be done and thinking about tomorrow is just that a thought, if tomorrow doesnt come for me then I know I did what I was supposed to do on this present day and tomorrow is a gift from God and I shall do the same. So as I was saying I am doing things now and I promise the more I do the more things come up that I want or need to do and for some reason I am able to go through with them all. Just recently I was handling some things and me and the boys were out and this lady came up to them saying how cute they were and how she would like her boss to see them. I thought it was bullshit but then an agency called me and before you know it we were at the photo shoot today. This was an experience for us all because this is something I never really didnt take the time to think about my boys modeling more of playing sports but all in all its an amazing thing and they had so much fun. My youngest twin was too funny with the camera man but they had a blast. This is something I can continue to do with them as needed. Now I am sitting here thinking about whats happening in the next month and I am way too excited. Things are going so great I am so blessed, I smile every night before I go to sleep, stress free...loving life. It too so long for me to get here and after 2 and a half years of wondering why I was there, why I was going through it, why what happened to me happened I can finally let it go and say "Neeve youre going to be just fine" I am blessed. Its almost 6pm and my stomach is feeling really tight, I think it was the crunches but anyway I am going to go hang out with the peoples for a little while. I will keep things updated when I have time but right now things are busy OOMMMGGGG big day coming Feb 13th and Feb 14th this valentines day is going to be amazing...lol *smile* ok im out

Until next time.......

Eventful

Yesterday was truly an evenful day. I am sitting here at 6:41 am drinking some juice and thinking about a million things all at once and I have been wanting to come to the blog but sometimes I like to think and see how things are going to play out before I do. Yesterday started off great got up early and worked out for 45 mins drank a lot of water ate a very light but healthy breakfast and was feeling energized. As the morning went on things started to get complicated and hard yet I was determined to maintain my level of energy. I got a phone call that was basically telling me that an ex friend of mine can no longer be my friend anymore because its uncomfortable for her girl. Now I have to admit I do understand why because we have recent unfriend type history but at the same time I explained to her this would happen she has always assured me that it wouldnt and sure enough it did. Its so fucked up because everytime I ride by her house my twins want to go see her or at least call her, now my daughter is re-into her asking about her all the time wanting to go spend time with her because she promised my daughter she could come spend the night just to get away and thats all gone now. What pisses me off is to me she is putting all this shit into someone who isnt worthy of her but hell who am I to judge. Its fortunate that I never took the time to learn her number by heart because I deleted all her contact information from my phone that way I am never tempted to send a random text or even a forward. I have to say yesterday I was hurt, today I am pissed off but hey.....I always knew it was bullshit from the start. So anyway I went on about the day doing what I had planned to do and as the day started to come to an end I started not to feel so good and I ended up having an anxiety attack. Now I normally don't have those unless I am driving to an unfamiliar place but I had one at home and that really threw me off. Sad part was the twins saw it and they didnt know what to do. Thankfully I came out of it as always I just think yesterday was a stressful day so that made my body unfamiliar with the emotions. Today is a new day I prayed so hard last night I even had someone very special to me pray for exactly what I need in my life right now (thank you) Today I will continue my grind oh yeah....I worked out for another hour last night so yesterday did a total of 1hour and 45 mins and right now, my body hurts but I'm about to turn the dvd on and gets the heart pumping. I am going to go for now but there will be updates at my life gets a little weird in the next couple of weeks.
Until next time..............

Look to yourself.

I was driving through Ct today and just thinking about things that have happened in my life and the people that are involved and the one thing that I thought about is I really have no one to look to. When I say look so I have no one to look up to or someone to strive towards in life. I remember being friends with this person name Sharon and she was very goal oriented and very driven in everything she did in her business life and personal life and nothing could stop her. Sure she had problems and issuses but she always made sure she came out on top and never let anyone or anything take her from her self. I admired that about her. In my current life there is no one who is like that in my life. I don't deal with anyone who I look at and can admire who they are or what they are doing. So thats why I have to look to myself, I have to be the model for me, I have to do what I set out to do, I have to be a "man" of my word and keep my life flowing as planned. It would be nice to converse with someone who has fought through their battles and won, instead of dealing with those who have failed, or those who are still striving for greatness, and there is nothing wrong with striving I just want to know someone who has already completed the journey. Ok I am getting sleepy now I just want to say this year has started off amazingly and I am so thankful for it. I apprecaite all the blessings I have been given.

Until next time......

yea im slackin

so i havent been blogging like im supposed to because when the kids are home on school vaca i dont mess with the computer and they are the only thing on my mind so i am focused, right now i am kinda telling about the upcoming blog. I am going to do a blog about my past year and what I see for this year because we are in control of most of our lives and i can do what I can do make this a great year, better than any other and I feel like its getting off to a great start. I am also going to do more poetry and words this year because I enjoy doing it and its like self help. I am going to talk about something real quick that some of my readers may not like but gosh damn I gotta say it. Now I am a very sexual person when I am with the right one, I don't care what kinds sex shit just give it to me..yea...so anyway imma talk about my girl for a minute cause she truly earned her spot. Me and her been together for about a year now and we been through some weird shit and she has done an amazing job of being everything I want and need in my life but one thing she has always been able to do is fuck...umm I cant put it in any other words than that. When you start having sex with someone new sometimes they have to learn your spots and what you like man this nigga goes at it hard as hell with no questions asked she just does what comes naturally to her and it blows my fucking mind. I am not a fan of oral sex and wasnt that into straps like I enjoy penetration but she fucks as if she was born with the dyck and thats something only a pro can understand. for the past three days she has been fucking me all night and all morning her stamina is amazing i dont know if its the red bull or wha (lmao inside joke) she is amazing like I would put her ass in a porno. I am blogging about this because I have never met someoene who could put me to sleep and even tho im tired as hell keep fucking me and make me stay up I mean damn. Ok so imma give some pointers real quick before she comes home cause she already told me what she expectin tonight so here goes....studs if you strapping and you feel like you hurtin her...KEEP GOING..that shit is hot, choke me, pull my hair, call me ya bitch, slut, whore whatever choice of words you chose, fuck me from the front side, back dont matter, flip me over and make me ride ya shit until you finish cummin in me......whew....she does it all the oral is on fucking point the 4play oommmmggggggg i cum every damn time....ok umm im done for now i am saying here and now if youre sex isnt what i listed above...coming at me is pointless lmao cause she got it...smh i cant even speak when we are done...literally. Ok i gotta go this one was all over the place so imma get ready for her cause she doesnt give me time to think once she gets started lol. So for all my readers if ya girl aint pleasing you to the point you arent paralized then...SHE AINT FUCKING YOU RIGHT..and for my exes that feel some kinda way about this...dont.....it is what it is...and for my potentials...lemme see wha u working wit..lmaooo lemme stop

until next time
ps...i am no long a virgin to anal....and ummm *faint* no words for that one