Who are you to me?

So I have been in the mood to blog but just not sure what I wanted to blog about so I went and asked someone what I should write about. There are so many times when I have things to say but being that this is public there is only so much I can say without truly allowing people in my complete life. The thing about me is I always feel like there is someone that can gain from my life and the things I go through. Sometimes I chose the right outcome and sometimes I don't but at the end of the day its lifes lessons and I dont mind sharing because I dont look at it as letting people in I look at as a form of expression. Ok now on to the subject:
I was recently asked How and why do I love the person I am with......I was also asked to post only real thoughts so here it goes: I am with someone that I met a while back, we were talking at one point in time but then I felt she was too young so I stopped dealing with her. I was in a relationship with my ex and her and I started talking again. I think I was unhappy with life at that time for all the wrong reasons. I felt like in my current rhode island relationship I was missing something because we took care of the kids, went out time from time and were a family and for some reason I felt like I was missing out on something and there is where Mo came in. She was different something that took me away from life she had no responsibilities not a care in the world all she did was make music, smoke weed, and have sex (im sure she did more but thats what i remember lol) and that was different for me because for me I was only attracted to women with goals and accomplishments and some form of life and she had none of those things. It started off as just a sex thing when I went to CT, driving down there to drop off the kids to their fathers and then would swing by there and do whatever. It came down to a point where my girl in RI found out what was going on and then I had to make a decision and I have to say I didnt decide to be with Mo instead of my then girlfriend I just decided I was tired of hurting her but in chosing Mo I was chosing a life unexpected...see with her came a level that I had never taken myself to and that was a very toxic life. I spent time drinking, smoking, fucking, and allowing her and myself to disrespect the people I once said I loved. There was a certain person who was there for me like no one else and didnt expect anything in return, she has been there for years and I allowed Mo to disrespect her because Mo felt like this person wanted more from me and regardless if she did or not I was wrong to allow things go to the way they did and then she stopped dealing with me and I felt horrible about it, she called me a liar, a horrible exuse and various others things I saw on her twitter but all in all I made the choice to stick it out with Mo. This was a challenge for me and maybe thats why I chose to change life a little because I actually had to in a sense raise Mo. I was determined to make her into what I wanted, get her a job, responsiblity and have her grow up right before my eyes. Thats where things have gone in the past two years. So to answer the above question it isnt my love for Mo thats any different its me who has taken the time to realize people are important and valuable creatures and none of them should be hurt, or disrespected in anyway. I am not blind to whats in front of me, I am not in love with love, I am simply just living life according to how I see fit. I dont love her more than anyone else I just have now chosen to love differently. I do my best and at times makes mistakes at the end of the day the one thats most important is ME and thats something I have often forgot. I want life with someone, I want marriage with someone, I want to raise children with someone and go on long vacations, I want to go house hunting with someone and do simple things like argue about silly things like who is going to park in the garage....I no longer want someone to fuck me until I cant breathe, or someone to make pointless videos with, or someone to get high with. I want the grown up simple life of raising children (maybe having more) and growing old together and comparing who has the bigger 401k......The past couple of years have taught me a lot and its sad people were hurt behind the choices I made but I do know that I will hurt again....I just know I will be there to hold you when you cry...

Well this concludes my blog for today I hope I have answer your question: There isnt anything about her that kept me from you, I just made a choice some say it was the wrong one either way it was a choice.....Thanks for reading...Goodnight