Us...Over????

So I have someone that I kinda go to to ask what I should blog about because there are times I feel the need to blog but not sure what subject I want to stay on. The subject today is What you feel about right how..this seperation. How hard is it for me or how if I feel anything.

I will start by saying that me and Mo recently broke up: I am sure some of my readers who are following me on twitter or facebook already know but for those of you who don’t yes we broke up. Why did we break up??? Maybe somewhere in this blog I will say why or just stay on the subject at hand. How hard is it for me? Its hard beacause as everyone knows I have 4 children at home who have come to know and love her for all that she is and or isnt, that have learned to accept her as part of the family and it took almost 2 years to get there but all in all they all love her. Everyday when they see me the first question they ask is "Where is Mo?" as the days go on that question gets harder and harder because one day I wont be able to say "at work she will be home soon" because soon she wont be living with us anymore. Its hard being a single parent of 4 but when I chose to have my children I was single so now going back to it will be hard but it can be done. I truly appreciate all Mo has been to our lives and I don’t expect her to be completely gone at this point. Her and I have a mutual understanding of what needs to be done and I wont talk about it here but we both know whats going on and if things stay focused everything will work out for everyone. Other than just talking about the kids I am sure it wants to be known if I will miss her and to answer honestly yes. She has been a great person in my life doing any and everything needed in this relationship and for the reasons I wont go into we were not able to make it work yet we still will remain friends. The difference between any of my other exes and her is that we arent breaking up because I cheated or did something outside of this relationship so its something we can manage. I do feel for everyone in this situation but as all things in life I am looking forward to an amazing year. I have some really great people in my life right now and I love them so they will be there for me when times get hard. I will always love Mo for who she has become for me and I will continue to watch over her in her journey through life. At this point I have met the most amazing individual (no she isnt my rebound) and she has a lot of wisdom and she is now my rock, she answers every text, every phone call, ever knock on the door and I love her for it…I am blessed to have her. God has blessed me with some amazing people I just hope I can be just as amazing for them. I have learned how to treat a woman, I have learned not to lie or cheat, just to take care of and love her with all I have. …..Does that answer the question?

Who are you to me?

So I have been in the mood to blog but just not sure what I wanted to blog about so I went and asked someone what I should write about. There are so many times when I have things to say but being that this is public there is only so much I can say without truly allowing people in my complete life. The thing about me is I always feel like there is someone that can gain from my life and the things I go through. Sometimes I chose the right outcome and sometimes I don't but at the end of the day its lifes lessons and I dont mind sharing because I dont look at it as letting people in I look at as a form of expression. Ok now on to the subject:
I was recently asked How and why do I love the person I am with......I was also asked to post only real thoughts so here it goes: I am with someone that I met a while back, we were talking at one point in time but then I felt she was too young so I stopped dealing with her. I was in a relationship with my ex and her and I started talking again. I think I was unhappy with life at that time for all the wrong reasons. I felt like in my current rhode island relationship I was missing something because we took care of the kids, went out time from time and were a family and for some reason I felt like I was missing out on something and there is where Mo came in. She was different something that took me away from life she had no responsibilities not a care in the world all she did was make music, smoke weed, and have sex (im sure she did more but thats what i remember lol) and that was different for me because for me I was only attracted to women with goals and accomplishments and some form of life and she had none of those things. It started off as just a sex thing when I went to CT, driving down there to drop off the kids to their fathers and then would swing by there and do whatever. It came down to a point where my girl in RI found out what was going on and then I had to make a decision and I have to say I didnt decide to be with Mo instead of my then girlfriend I just decided I was tired of hurting her but in chosing Mo I was chosing a life unexpected...see with her came a level that I had never taken myself to and that was a very toxic life. I spent time drinking, smoking, fucking, and allowing her and myself to disrespect the people I once said I loved. There was a certain person who was there for me like no one else and didnt expect anything in return, she has been there for years and I allowed Mo to disrespect her because Mo felt like this person wanted more from me and regardless if she did or not I was wrong to allow things go to the way they did and then she stopped dealing with me and I felt horrible about it, she called me a liar, a horrible exuse and various others things I saw on her twitter but all in all I made the choice to stick it out with Mo. This was a challenge for me and maybe thats why I chose to change life a little because I actually had to in a sense raise Mo. I was determined to make her into what I wanted, get her a job, responsiblity and have her grow up right before my eyes. Thats where things have gone in the past two years. So to answer the above question it isnt my love for Mo thats any different its me who has taken the time to realize people are important and valuable creatures and none of them should be hurt, or disrespected in anyway. I am not blind to whats in front of me, I am not in love with love, I am simply just living life according to how I see fit. I dont love her more than anyone else I just have now chosen to love differently. I do my best and at times makes mistakes at the end of the day the one thats most important is ME and thats something I have often forgot. I want life with someone, I want marriage with someone, I want to raise children with someone and go on long vacations, I want to go house hunting with someone and do simple things like argue about silly things like who is going to park in the garage....I no longer want someone to fuck me until I cant breathe, or someone to make pointless videos with, or someone to get high with. I want the grown up simple life of raising children (maybe having more) and growing old together and comparing who has the bigger 401k......The past couple of years have taught me a lot and its sad people were hurt behind the choices I made but I do know that I will hurt again....I just know I will be there to hold you when you cry...

Well this concludes my blog for today I hope I have answer your question: There isnt anything about her that kept me from you, I just made a choice some say it was the wrong one either way it was a choice.....Thanks for reading...Goodnight