Dear John

Consider this a dear John letter of some sort, something to put things into perspective for you, help you to understand completely where I am coming from so there is no confusion. The past few years have been cool but now its time to come back to reality, guess it was like an amusement park while the rides are fun and sometimes scary the park does close, taking the ride home is exhausting yet you know the next day its time for work so you want to rest up so you can make sure you’re job is done to the best of your ability. Well now I’m back home, rides are over, fun food and games are over now I am back to who I have always been you just don’t appreciate it.
Let me start from the beginning. See you were just supposed to be a “jump off” someone to occupy my time on my rides from RI to Stamford, you were what I wasn’t getting at home and that’s the wild sex, the exciting times. You gave me the sex I once craved that grimey, dirty, no boundaries sex, you were able to make me forget all my pain because like acupuncture you gave me a different kind of pain that masked my life’s hurt. You were everything I needed at that time but see they say you can’t turn a hoe into a house wife and that’s what I did with you. So many people warned me trying to make you my wife was the wrong idea….I claimed they didn’t know you like I did but did I really know you? I knew you weren’t much of an adult, I knew you never really had a life, I knew you made my body forget my mind existed and that was the wrong thing. I spent time in my thoughts figuring out how I was going to make you fit inside my life knowing all the long you would never be that perfect puzzle piece because what you became was an foster child to me, someone who I cared for but never would be naturally mind, and would eventually be letting go back to its real mother.
I mended you, molded you into exactly what I wanted and needed at that time, I taught you how to care for children, how to take care of yourself and most important I taught you how to deal with me and you did that so well, but again like my children you understand and respect me but dare not cross me for fear of repercussion. Taking control of you wasn’t hard at all because you had no spine no will, no backbone I loved that about you because I knew you would do as I say when I say.
You bring up the fact I am a user…..maybe I used you but see my ex in RI told you, warned you, my ex in TN also made you aware what kind of beast I could be…even the one here in CT gave you notification of my ways. Hell you knew me before all of them and yet in still you tried to step into my world so to me you may have used me to become the “man” you are today so lets not fight or argue about it, lets not shed tears of pain and regret lets just move on. Youre a better person for it, im a better person for it. WE learned a lot….not lets grow apart.
See im in a place where I see the error of my ways. I cant make a person into what I want they have to already appeal to me naturally. I took you from the weed smoking, the internet whoring, the random late not convos with young girls, the running here and there chasing drugs. I took you from all the things that didn’t matter but now that you are no longer a part of me you have resorted right back to it. I see you going back to your ways of nothing so I hope some good person can come into your life and get you back on track but that person wont be me. See I was your foster mother and now youre someone I once held in my heart but have to let go because its not longer my concern. I see you aren’t changing into the man you once were yet simply the boy you were when we met.
I wish you well on your journey to wherever, if it be nowhere…have fun, if its somewhere think back to who I am and in my mind…thank me. I have moved on to something bigger and better than you could ever be. That’s not me being mean that’s just be being brutally honest. Our paths crossed and the road has turned. I am now better and on a journey to grow and regain the strength I once had. Take care of yourself I wish you well……

I was once a black widow spider but SHE removed my venom I owe her a thank you for being who are you to me, coming into my life like a well built house. Already put together, great foundation, nice siding, rooms already painted in my favorite colors, furniture to fit all of our needs, beautiful patio with a deck, huge swimming pool a place for the kids to play, a yard for the door perfect white picket fence and even a something special for me a beautiful huge master bedroom with an M&M rug…yes you are perfect just for me. She is a part of my past you were meant to be my future, I was made for you…and you are here for me.