Past year and a half

Its truly been a little while since I have had time to blog. I do have time here or there to maybe update twitter or facebook but it takes actual sit down relax time for me to blog. Also because I am not saying everything in my life I have to be focused when blogging lol. So this year has taken an amazing turn I can say this year and half I have learned so much about life and myself. Its been hard but I have made it. I still have a long way to go but for the most part I am excited about this year and the progress.
Last year I was all everywhere from leaving the home I once knew with my ex to moving to another place and then moving my gf in was a weird change. I had always taken pride in not bringing people around my kids who I hadn't been involved with for a long time. I came up with the excuse that they already knew her and yes that’s true they knew her but they didn’t know her as my gf so that was something I would have never done before, then my oldest two went to stay with their father for a school year and yeah that was a huge mistake mainly because no mother should be without their children. I had the twins but naturally I should have them all. Part of me needed a break and the other part of me wanted their father to see what's its like raising children on his own without financial help. Well that backfired because I spent the year trying to get them back with me and he had his family to help him that’s something I don’t have in that way. One of the things I did to get them back was trying to transfer my job to ct and doing a job I hated with a passion and then driving 1hour and 45 mins to work everyday and that was just not well thought out. Then in Dec I applied for a job at VerizonW and got the job yet I was still living in RI so how am I working in ct and living in Ri…needless to say I made moves real quick again not very thought out because all I wanted was my oldest two back with me and I know doing it in RI was harder than if I was just here in CT. I found an apartment and the big two came home….ok so now the apartment I moved into was nice but who knew once it gets warm all the drug dealers come out. To my surprised I was living in the highest drug area in that city (google Derby Ct lol) and I was depressed everyday because I wasn’t raised in the ghetto so I damn sure wasn’t going to raise my children there either. I finally decided to listen to my gf and actually hear what she was saying and that simply was to "Slow down and think" I had been making such drastic moves in the past two years it was time to sit and think instead of moving on impulse as I had been and I spent time searching for the perfect place for the kids and finally I found it. As we speak the kids and I are now living in a beautiful 4 bedroom condo…….we are still in the unpacking and decorating process but I haven't slept this good in years. If I could go back in time I would have never left CT because what I did was exactly what Katie told me not to do and that’s run…run from the problem. She said stay and face it she even offered me and the kids to come with her…I enjoyed living in RI shit I had fun and the kids did too but to know that ultimately I was just going to come back it was a waste of time but well worth it. Needless to say I shall now take my time and think things through because I make any changes, hell even now when I get gas I am thinking if this is the best deal (smile) all in all this has been time I will not soon forget and now I am reading much more and have come up with a great book idea that I will start this winter. My mind and soul is now at peace…everything is far from perfect but perfection is what I seek and will not stop til I have reached my goal.

God bless those who read this and understand and bless those who just read. Take care of the ones you love but love your children more than anyone else they are the ones who can suffer behind your wrong decisions.