The truth comes out

Because I havent writen in so long its makes it so that i feel like I have to update so much but i am going to just start from today. This past weekend was my grandmas 76nd birthday party and I havent been to her party in years and I am so glad I went it was so nice out there with my family, because of different reasons I had lost connection with my family but it all came back together when I was there. I had people all over me and that made me feel so special. The one thing is I found out my cousin that lives in ATL is one of the head people at verizon down there and he is going to try to get me a spot down there if thats what I want. i want to go back down south but I dont know about the A thats a little too far but I am going down there in Oct so I will see how it is then. The other thing was that me and my aunt had some time to talk. She has always been a supportor of my lifestyle and everytime she sees me she asks if I am with someone. The last few times I was with the same person she even met my ex but my current she hasnt met so we just sat down and talked. She made me see things about myself that was hard to see before. I cant seem to stay in a relationship for a long period of time and if I do I get bored or I cheat and then it ends and then I am on to the next one. she was saying how because I spent so many years seeing my mother unhappy and stuck its hard for me to tell what I should and shouldnt put up with. After I left my last relationship I was able to see where I went wrong and now in my current I am trying not to do those same things. I have grown a lot in the last year but now so much more is going on that I feel like I dont have a handle on things. I am not miserable I am just at a point where its do or die. I am a pusher I will push until I cant push anynmore like if I am given the opportunity to do 40 hours of overtime in one week I am on it because in the long run I can love my kids all i want but it takes money to provide for them and if i dont have it then im not as good of a mom as i hope to be. I have a couple of pet peeves of mine shit maybe I have a list of them but one thing that bothers me is when adults have adult conversations with children. I like when somenone is comfortable with my children but when you become too comfortable and you forget they are my children and my children with tell everything and anything that is being said and it gets back to me, then you have to know i am going to feel a way and take action. If I tell you more than once and it gets worse then really be prepared for whats to come after. I remember going way back a couple of years ago where the kids aunt felt the need to tell my daughter I was gay, now I was going to tell her at some point but she told and actually asked my daughter not to tell me...shit my daughter came running to me with all kinds of questions. Hell even some of my exes have went to her and she comes running because thats just how she is and if you didnt learn your lesson from that then be prepared. My daughter while I do love her is a monster....a beast...lol shit my mom called her lucifer so needless to say I sit here feeling all kinds of ways. One thing my kids don't like is to make people feel uncomfortalbe so they always say "mommy dont say anything" and I do as they ask but how do you do right by your children without breaking their trust. My children has this one aunt where every time they told their father something she did he would get on her then walk around the house with an attitude and that made the kids uncomfortable. I have to sit and ponder on this one but this is sonething I never have and never will tollerate. If you go talk to children about grown up shit either youre stupid, immature, or need some friends but all in all you have fucked up. well i have to get up early as usual in the morning so imma call it a night big day tomorrow lots to do. night all and if I can give a word of advice. Children are beautiful creatures, take pride in the gift of life God has given you, never take advantage of their love, love them and take care of them and that alone will bring happiness to your life.

Nuff said.