just a short update on life

whats new with Neeve?? a whole fucking lot that I cant even touch here but as usual i will get through it and do it the way I should have long ago...all in all plans in motion and nothing or no one will stand in my way. August 18th im heading to NC for a week hang with fam down there and just relax and get my thoughts together I truly need a min away from everyone...other than that im working on my grind...nuff said

You belong to someone else

I am sitting here at the computer thinking of all the things I want to say and all the feelings I feel. Sometimes you put yourself in difficult situations and once you are in them thats when you realize maybe you didnt think before you made that certain move, maybe you should have taken more time to see what was best for you. I do a lot of online reading and seeing whats going on in the world with people I know and some I dont. due to texting and things like that I kind of have a grasp of whats goin on in others lives and some of those things make me uncomfortalbe but there has to come a point where I start feeling nothing behind it. Like didnt I break things off? Wasnt I the one who did wrong over and over again? So why am I the one sitting here wondering what if??? I keep hearing songs that make me think of you and where life was then when you first called my phone and i heard your voice, when I first saw a pic of you that you sent only to me, when I was scared as hell to see you for the first time and how comfortable you made me feel that very first time. How I wanted nothing more every other weekend then to see you and no matter where you were or what you were doing you made sure to take time to spend time with me, even when there were times when I couldnt because of the kids you then made them a part of the equation. I still remember the first time you gave the twins a bath...they were so young then but you looked at them as your own. Its so weird, like when does that void fill itself when will there be a time when youre name runs across my mind and I feel nothing at all. Am I wrong to want to stop feeling for you? should I like wanting something I cant and shouldnt have? what the hell is it????? I am with her, and you are with her...so....wtf is it? Im happy right?? Youre happy right??? The weirdest feelings and emotions are going through my entire body as I am sitting here listening to Tribute to a Woman by Ginuwine. I can sit here and say I will stop feeling whatever I feel for you right now but I know deep down that cant happen. I guess thats what love really is all about...loving someone even when you cant have them...we are in different places and I hope one day our paths cross again, not like they did before something different something we never had or tried before. Ok I am done here....this is pointless